Apples

Just who do apples think they are?  I am completely fed up with them acting like they are the king of the fruits when the only thing they are king of is the boring fruits.  It is a science fact that most apples are sour, this is why there is a jelly bean called sour apple.  If apples were sweet then there would be a jelly bean called sweet apple but there isn’t because they aren’t.  When you eat apples you end up with bits of skin stuck between your teeth but if this happens you are getting off lightly because if you accidently swallow an apple pip you are almost certain to be killed by the apple tree that will start growing out of your belly button.  Apples would be better if they tasted completely different and came in small bite sized portions like grapes.  They could be called grapples or they could just be banned altogether and then people would be forced to enjoy proper fruits like pineapples, satsumas and doughnut peaches.